So many people feel overwhelmed during the holidays. Divorced parents have children who are going away to visit their father’s family or staying with friends. Broken relationships or loneliness leave some anticipating a miserable, lonely, dreadful day.
Grieving over being alone or divorced, makes one feel like they would be a big downer at any gathering. However, deep inside they really want to be with other people, to talk, laugh, sing and have a good time, if only for a little while. Some people might think that no one is inviting them because of the fact that they are alone or divorced. You’re thinking, you couldn’t imagine inviting yourself… that would be a big imposition on others.
If someone does invite you, thoughts of being a fifth wheel step in, so you politely decline, feeling more alone and isolated than ever.
Perhaps, you are like so many others, in the fact that you do not even know how to begin to approach people in hopes of finding someone to be with for the holidays.
Start by talking to everyone you know. Say things like, “I’m trying to figure out what I should do for the holidays since my children will be at their fathers,” (if your children are grown, just leave out the part about the kids). You might even throw out some suggestions like I’ll have to find some way to keep busy, or I’ll be going on a short trip or finding some place to volunteer. This way you are not asking for an invitation and are not putting pressure on anyone.
You may get some responses that will automatically let you know that they are only inviting you because they don’t want you to be alone. Just decline graciously if your not feeling like being patronized.
On the other hand there are many people who have the, “More the Merrier,” attitude. They have large gatherings at their home full of family and friends. These people will invite you to their home to join the festivities. Accept them! These are perfect opportunities for you to meet new people, and you might even meet someone who will become a lifelong friend or more. Another great thing about these types of gatherings, is that you will not know everyone, so you won’t have to mull over the past, like, “I’m so sorry to hear about you and Mary” moments. Embrace this new experience as a chance to grow into the next potential relationship & begin moving on to the next chapter of your life.
By letting others know your holiday circumstances, people might start recommending things that you can do or places you can go. They may come up with the perfect answer that you have been looking for. Maybe someone knows about some holiday festivities for the newly single, or just heard about an activity or group that is looking for someone to help out.
Some people may not even think to invite you, just because you have always been busy or unavailable in the past. When you begin letting people know that you are available, you will begin getting invitations, most of which will be very sincere. If I told you that I was trying to figure out what to do for the holidays, and you replied stating that you had lots of friends and family over and invited me, would your invitation be genuine? Would you be doing it out of pity? Would you feel like you were being impositioned? More than likely, your answers to the previous questions would be “no.”
Choose to make your holidays different from now on. It is up to you to determine how you choose to spend them. If you want to stop crying and feeling down, then choose to spend the holidays with fun and laughter. You must begin by making plans, either throwing your own party or letting everyone know that you are looking for things to do that day.
Join an online group or forum, they’re great for people who can’t get out, or are not comfortable in crowds. To avoid or minimize depression, socializing is so important, especially during the holidays.
If you feel lonely over the holidays, contact us, we’ll chat with you. Depression itself, is lonely enough!!!